supergeek319

http://orangeoctoberskies.blogspot.com

is my new outlet. but i promise not to entirely abandon you, livejournal.

blame berardi for showing me and totally encouraging this. hehe.

I'm watching "Love the Hard Way" while studying for my 20th Century Art class.
oh Adrien Bordy. I do ike them tall and scrawny.

anyway,
currently on Art Nouveau.
then moving swiftly into the ideas of symbolism focusing on artists like Odilon Redon, Henri Rousseau, Edvard Munch, and Pierre Bonnard. I don't much care for Odiln Redon, at least stylistically.
I keep distracting myself. I need to concentrate.

my copy of "Little Whire Bird" by J. M. Barrie is a second edition, I've discovered.
I wish I had more First editions.
Joshua has a few.
I'm pretty excited about us compliling our books together into one giant collection.


its getting cold.
im eagerly anticipating when I can see my breath in the brisk morning air again.
i need a good long stretch.

its been quite some time.
at least it feels that way.

its raining right now and me and joshua are texting back and forth. hes going to go see a movie with james. 
im going to go get my paycheck and then do yoga and read all day.
all my school books are in.
i looooove it.

i need school to start.
i need to sit in the back corner of a library and read and write and just be in college mode.
i have been hopelessly bored with summer since june.
i like being in school. i honestly do.

reading "The Death of Ivan Ilyich" by Leo Tolestoy right now. I am quite enthralled.

i feel like im just trying to fill the time until school on tuesday and until joshua and i get to see eachother again (next weekend).
might go to rory's tonight.
we'll see how im feeling.

restless,
im painting a bit.
watercolors.
im always like this when it rains.
not sure why.

i keep stretching.
i love stretching.
i need to finish "the dead" by james joyce. i promised joshua.
i suppose i could do that now.
i keep putting it off. but i always go into it with the same predisposition. i dont much care for joyce. i feel like his stories never have much of a point.
of course the first one i read was "araby". and that story....well it builds up to nothing.
one could say that it demonstrates how destructive the city the protagonist goes up in is, as it basically dashes his hopes. but that, in essence, creates the character and narrator.
obviously the antagonist is dublin. they do call Dublin the "center of paralysis". it renders the hopes and dreams of the narrator hopeless and makes them sinful. the narrator's aim was to buy something for the girl he liked, which proves to be impossible in the end. he tries to get to the bazarr, doesnt make it in time, buys nothing, doesnt get girl. though, to be honest, she was simply using him.
point is....nothing. dublin is soul sucking...

i dont much care for his style of prose either.

but i will read it...i swear.
i suppose "the boarding house" wasn't so dreadful.

its going to rain,
its raining.
i love the rain,
i love the cool air the precedes and follows.
i love the smell of it
and the acheing in my back. its a good kind of ache though. kind of rough and dull, but a constant reminder. a good reminder.

i bought 6 books yesterday,
all for school.
i got them all used on amazon and saved a bundle.
that and i loooove books.
i love reading,
i'll read about almost anything.
i have so many random books on random things....and i have yet to get through all of them.
i have one on the history of russia,
another on human sexuality,
a collection of short stories by a japanese man,
a book on human rights and the constitution,
various biographies and memoires,
all sorts of novels,
poetry,
plays,
a book on the history of national geographic, not including the hundreds of national geographic magazines i do have.
i will have a room filled with books once me and joshua put all of ours together.


i miss him,
almost constantly.
he'll be here next week.

last night berardi took me out for waffles, as he tends to do,
so we could chit chat and such.
he misses ashley. adorable.
he calms me when im stressed and joshua is quite unavailable.
he went with me to pick up my apparently still broken laptop.
if we have to send it in a fourth time, which this will be the fourth, they have to replace it.
all i want is a working laptop so i can get work done.
using my mothers or sister is inconveinent.
ergh.
this should not be this complicated.

281 days to go.
i can coutdown and be girly if i wanna.
the heart wants what the heart wants.
if only the want wasn't so far away.

i always feel like its an attack,
i certainly hope that wasn't the intent.
it all boils down to this; lack of understanding.
everyone is different.
i don't let it bother me because I know what I'm doing and I'm happy.
Thats more than many can say.

----------------------------------------------------------

church: first united methodist church
reception hall: helspell deck at wlpsp
honeymoon location: old montreal, quebec, canada.

dress and veil are ordered,
bridesmaids dresses are picked out,
we need to figure out the smaller details at thisd point.
296 days to go.

-----------------------------------------------------------

school this upcoming semester:

20th Century Art
Digitial Photography for the Artist
Survey of Film
Medical Ethics
Classical Ballet

thats them, plus work and planning I shall be quite the busy bee.
excited.
im bored without school most days.

my weeks:
monday - work 3 to 7
tuesday - work 10 to 4 (today im going in at 11)
soccer game 6 to 8
wednesday - work 3 to 930
thursday - work 3 to 7
friday - RELAX
saturday - work 10 to 6
sunday - RELAX

is it weird that im missing homework right now?
i want to crack the books and spend too much time in the library.
i need to add one more class for next semester:

medical ethics
20th century art
classical ballet
photography
(one class missing)

im deciding.



i had nightmares last night, i hate nightmares. though, i don't know many that enjoy them.
i woke up in a cold sweat, almost drenched. and i was in a panic.
dreadful.
im still feeling panicy.

the girly in me wants joshua here so i can cuddle up, then the nightmares wont be a bother.
if they happen at all.
the human in me wants him here.
312 days to go...I'm not counting or anything.



i cant believe im watching "degrassi" right now.

so i am obsessed with humpback whales as of late,
and albatross(es?). im not sure what the plural form of albatross is.
moose is moose,
goose is geese,
mouse is mice,
fish is fish.
what is the rule?

anyway...
lunch with darcie.
then work at 3.

joshua this weekend.
christine the 17th through 19th.
work every other weekend.


i wonder if joshua tires of me having a new obsession that i research to death all the time.

i love ocean life....
oddly hyper right now,
but shouldn't be.

my muscles are acheing from working out so much.
love it.
2nd best feeling ever in my book.

hmmm.
when they are scraping the remains of your brain and skull off the pavement we'll all be able to rest easier knowing that it was a bit faster and more convenient for you not to wear your helmet.

splat.

----------------------------------------

on a lighter note:
May, 15. 2010

happy day.

do not be offended if you are not invited. only 200 people. his family plus mine and close friends of the family doesn't leave a lot of room.
i love you all anyway.

i don't have to defend my feelings or actions to anyone.
no one can claim to know anything about the inner workings of me and joshua's relationship, except maybe sammie or darcie. to be honest i'm not forthcoming about it.
c. s. lewis once said something to the effect that the best lover is a quiet one. one that doesn't put on a show or displays their affection for the world to see. because true sincerity is not attention-seeking.
our love and the seriousness of our relationship is between me and joshua, not us and the world.
we're not hiding anything, we just don't think we need to bring anyone else into what is only between us.
i love joshua and feel strongly enough to accept the proposal.
thats all you need to be concerned with.
get it yet?

i have the internet right now.
yay.
i currrently lack a laptop and am staying with joshua (was staying with joshua) this weekend and had little to no regular internet access. even now im using his computer at work.

1. we were reading random things on wikipeida. maostly seeing what happened, who died, who was born on our birthdays. which lead us to one of the funniest things ive read in a great while. my birthday is apparently Mojoday accoring to the religion of discordianism. curious i looked it up.
have a look see at what i found:
"Discordianism is a modern religion centered on the idea that chaos is all that there is, and that disorder and order, the former considered a concept distinct from chaos, are both illusions (referred to, respectively, as the "Eristic" and "Aneristic" illusions) that are imposed on chaos. It was founded circa 1958–1959 by Malaclypse the Younger with the publication of its principal text, the Principia Discordia. There is some division as to whether it should be regarded as a parody religion, and if so to what degree.[1] It has been called "Zen for roundeyes", based on similarities with absurdist interpretations of the Rinzai school. Discordianism recognizes chaos, discord, and dissent as valid and desirable qualities, in contrast with most religions, which idealize harmony and order. Eris, the Greek mythological goddess of discord, has also become the matron deity of the religion Discordianism.[2]"
that alone isn't too insane...but it gets so much better.

"The very idea of a Discordian organization is something of a paradox. Nevertheless, some structure is indicated in Principia Discordia. The most general group, presumably including all Discordians (and potentially others), is The Discordian Society, whose definition is “The Discordian Society has no definition”.[13] Within the society are sects of Discordianism, each under the direction of an “Episkopos” (overseer in Greek, source of English bishop and episcopal).

Discordians who do not form their own sects, whether they belong to someone else's sect or not, make up the Legion of Dynamic Discord, and may be referred to as Legionnaires. Would-be Discordians are told in the Principia Discordia:

If you want in on the Discordian Society
then declare yourself what you wish
do what you like
and tell us about it
or
if you prefer
don't.

There are no rules anywhere.
The Goddess Prevails.

—Malaclypse the Younger, Principia Discordia, Page 00032

[edit] POEE
The sect of Discordianism founded by Malaclypse the Younger and Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst is known as the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric (POEE), a Non-prophet Irreligious Disorganisation, and the Principia Discordia tells us much about POEE in particular, as well as Discordianism in general.

For example, the Principia contains some details about the structure of POEE. In particular:

POEE has 5 DEGREES:
There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLAIN.
The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
And POEE POPE.

POEE LEGIONNAIRE DESCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER ordains Priests. I don't know about the POPES.

—Malaclypse the Younger, Principia Discordia, Page 00022
According to the Principia Discordia, POEE is “a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued by Eris goddess of confusion and her doings.” Furthermore it states that “POEE subscribes to the Law Of Fives of Omar's sect” and “POEE also recognizes the Holy 23.”

Paratheo-Anametamystikhood can be taken to mean equivalent deity, reversing beyond-mystique. Loosely interpreted, it boils down to all deities are equivalent, there is no great mystery about that.[citation needed]


Episkopos
Some Episkoposes have a one-man cabal. Some work together. Some never do explain.

—Malaclypse the Younger, Principia Discordia, Page 00032
Episkoposes are the Overseers of sects of Discordianism, who have presumably created their own sect of Discordianism. They speak to Eris through the use of their pineal gland. It is said in the Principia Discordia that Eris says different things to each listener. She may even say radically different things to each Episkopos but, all of what she says is equally her word (even if it contradicts another iteration of her word).

Most Episkoposes have an assumed name and/or title of bizarre nature and self-proclaimed 'mystic import', such as Malaclypse the Younger, Polyfather of Virginity in Gold; Lord Omar Khayym Ravenhurst, Bull Goose of Limbo; Professor Mu-Chao; Kassil the Erratic; and Lord Foxfire the Perpetually Combustible. Some Discordians choose their entire title by themselves, some turn to random generators, others assimilate things from other people, and a few never really offer any explanation.


[edit] Popes
According to the Principia Discordia, a pope is “every single man, woman, and child on this Earth.”[14]

Included in the Principia Discordia is an official Pope card that may be reproduced and distributed freely to anyone and everyone.[14] Papacy, however, is not granted through possession of this card; it merely informs people that they are “a genuine and authorized Pope” of Discordia.

While the powers of a Pope are not enumerated in the Principia, we are given some idea from a note under the card which states, “A POPE is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities.” Some Discordians have also taken it upon themselves to further elaborate upon the powers of a Pope. On the back of some Pope cards, the following message can be found:

The rights of a Pope include but are not necessarily limited to:

To invoke infallibility at any time, including retroactively.
To completely rework the Erisian church.
To baptise, bury, and marry (with the permission of the deceased in the latter two cases).
To excommunicate, de-ex-communicate, re-ex-communicate, and de-re-ex-communicate (no backsies!) both his-/her-/it-/them-/your-/our-/His-/Her-/It-/Them-/Your-/Our-self/selves and others (if any).
To perform all rites and functions deemed inappropriate for a Pope of Discordia.
The third right (requiring permission from the deceased in cases of burying or marriage, but not baptism) may be a reference to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints practice of baptism for the dead, or it may just be a witty conflation of marriage and death.

This understanding of the notion of Pope has far reaching consequences in Discordianism. For example, the introduction to Principia Discordia says, “Only a Pope may canonize a Saint. … So you can ordain yourself — and anyone or anything else — a Saint.” The last enumerated right of a Pope may be an allusion to the Necessary and Proper Clause.

A female version, with the word Mome substituted for Pope, has also been promulgated."
HA!

now, the icing on the cake:
"The Pentabarf is the doctrine of Discordianism. It is as follows:

There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.
A Discordian is required to, the first Friday after his illumination, Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Roman Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).
A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
A Discordian is Prohibited from Believing What he reads. "

no hot dog buns!
hahaha.
look it up. i cannot even begin to explain its hilarity in its entirty.

-----------------------------------------

beyond this amusement i dont have much to say.
my weekend with joshua was delightful as always. he'll be in peoria monday and tuesday and leaves wednesday morning.
woo.
and christine will be here maybe?
i havent heard word back on that.

im growing tired.
snuggle time.

welcome to my life,
4th car.
i dub thee Leonard II.

its a station wagon.
totally sexy.

---------------------------------

berardi back in town tomorrow.
so excited for stories.
seeing christiney-bean in a month.
too long, my dear, too long.
sammie back in town this weekend,
i think.
ergh.
too much missing going on.

when you dance with the devil, the devil dont change. the devil changes you.

its a slippery slope.
i thought you knew that.
you think the little doses dont hurt you, of course you think that.
just try not to miss a step.

i'll be waiting back here,
ive watched people take this road before.
i could never make it passed one mile myself. i dont have the stomach for it.
perhaps i just never seered my conscience like everyone seems to have done.

my weekend was quite the interesting stream of events.
of course all my time with joshua was wonderful, brilliant, romantic, exhilerating, and every other good thing.
i already miss our bodies wrapped around eachother when we sleep.

the bad things:
on saturday when i had to take my 4 different medications and and all of them together with minimum food lead to the stripping of my stomach lining.
bad tummy feelings all weekend.
on sunday night leonard (my car) became an impliment of death as a deer used it to commit suicide. the whole passenger side of my car is wrecked. cant even open the door. ergh.
chances are the insurance company is just going to total it out and i'll get a new one.
oh well.

but its all worth it for the time spent with joshua.
i noticed that every time i drive down to see him i come home with at least one new book.
3 this time.

im so tired.
i wish i had joshua to sleep with. a pillow or my stuffed sea turtle are no substitute.
i miss the silence of the country surrounding us.
but i would settle for a cramped apartment in the noisiest part of town if it meant i could have him..
im such a silly romantic.
*giggle*

internship, work, and all my compadraes...not enough time in the world.
want a nap.

joshua this weeked.
work next weekend.
family in tennessee the weekend after that.
work again.

july...christine visit is going to happen.

engaged.
feels good.

happier than i could begin to explain.
oh joshua,
i still don't see why you love me so much.
im wretched,
silly boy.


-------------------------------

was in champaign with Darcie most of the weekend.
love her.
good fun.
we went to the prettiest park; Allerton park (tho i might have spelled it wrong).
gorgeous.

internship this morning.
went great.
they gave me the code to the offices and keys to the vaults and everything.
fancy-shmancy.

summer schedule at cyds starts next week.
that will be a relief.

joshua was here last weekend,
amazing.
i cant even begin to explain.
well, i can but i'm being picky and slowly revealing parts to the right people. im simply avoiding the inevitable negative reactions.
ergh.

this weekend im visiting darcie. i'll leave after work on saturday and be there until sunday night.
on sunday me, darcie, chandler, joshua, and caleb are going to see a madeline ava show (not really looking forward to the actual show, but it should be a laugh).


sammie leaves on friday,
sad.
visiting christine next week (maybe),
so hopefully that works out.
need to talk to the boys.
come on ror.

im very excited to see sammie tomorrow.
lovey love love.



im bursting.

You are the dark ocean bottom
And I am the fast sinking anchor
Should I fall for you,
should I fall for you?
You are the scar on my tissue
That I show all of my new friends
Should I show you me,
Should I show you me?

All we need is a little bit of momentum
Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves
All we need is a little bit of inertia
Break down and tell break down and tell

That you are the rain on the fire
Deep in the trees when no one was looking
Should I speak of this,
Should I speak of this?
You are a mirage in the distance
That defies the heat of the desert
Should I believe in you,
Should I believe in you?

All we need is a little bit of momentum
Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves
All we need is a little bit of inertia
Break down and tell break down and tell

These rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall
These rules are made to break us all.

All we need is a little bit of momentum
Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves
All we need is a little bit of inertia
Break down and tell break down and tell.


-----------------------------------------

interview went very well today.
got a book i ordered in the mail.
work went well, very fast.
my shoulders and back ache,
but otherwise i feel quite good.

things are looking up.
joshua will be here this weekend too,
things are looking far up, into the sky even.



im acting like a silly school girl.

still feling sick today,
but i have excellent news!

tomorrow at 10am i have an interview with lakeview museum for an internship.
woo.

hope im not too sick tomorrow.